Every 2 minutes, someone in the US is sexually assaulted.
Each year, there are approximately 200,000 victims of sexual assault.
44% of victims are under the age of 18.
80% are under the age of 30.
Approximately 2/3 of assaults are committed by someone known to the victim.
38% of rapists are a friend or acquaintance.
Funny thing about statistics . . . they seem so distant, so impersonal. Truly speaking, they’re just numbers, gathered together by a focus group or an organization we know nothing about. We have no idea how they arrive at these numbers, or if, in fact, people digest their significance, let alone comprehend the severity of this abusive act.
I know what the numbers mean; I experienced it. Yes, #MeToo.
These numbers indicate society’s morality pulse, or lack thereof. We get a sense of how many men and women have actually experienced sexual assault. It used to be common knowledge that men abused women, now we are becoming more aware of women abusing men, women abusing women, men abusing men, and the most horrendous of all abuse . . . the rape of an innocent child.
I don’t think people fathom the depth of the emotional impact sexual abuse has on your life. The initial shock, the severity of pain, the denial, the betrayal, and the way it throws us off your center of gravity.
If you’re wondering what it’s like to be sexually abused, I can assure you, it stinks! It stinks because it’s never just about the incident itself. It’s about the repercussions—the insidious way the experience of rape seeps into every relationship, every feeling, every word, and every action. What really stinks is, regardless as to whether you remember the incident or not – or you recall it years later – it happened. It shapes your life until you are able to forgive, to seek help, to talk about it and begin to unravel the memory, and confront it.
The 50 Shades of Rape include:
- Post-traumatic Stress Disorder (PSD)
- Intimacy issues
- Suicidal tendencies
- Symptoms of Bi-Polar
- Feeling victimized
- Self-sabotage
- Eating Disorders
- Alcohol Abuse
- Drug Abuse
- Skewed self-image
- Inability to feel self-empowered
- Prone to cutting
- Lack of focus
- Under achieving
- Over achieving
- Lack of trust
- A distorted view of love
- Feeling like damaged goods
- Feelings of worthlessness
- Inhibited to engage socially
- Feeling violated
- Extreme vulnerability
- Feeling discounted, less than
- Feeling dirty
- Emotional instability
- Pervasively changed
- Emotionally imbalanced
- Paranoid
- Physical timidity
- Thinking one’s body is repulsive
- Stored anger
- Aggressive behavior
- Loss of control
- Physical pain
- Emotional pain
- Skewed boundaries
- Altered states of consciousness
- Lack of confidence
- Insomnia
- Shame
- Detachment
- Wounded warrior
- Thwarted communication
- Lack of initiative
- Feeling as if one is followed by darkness
- Feeling deprived of love, attention, security, etc.
- Feelings of betrayal
- Closed heart
- Fear of commitment
- Fear of love
These effects are not all black and white, nor are they consistent. They are all shades of gray. They move around, from year to year, and creep into the crevices of your life without invitation. They sabotage your relationships, and create fractured egos.
Years later, I still experience these repercussions.
I have had wonderful successes in my life, but between the high peaks, there have been dark moods, depression, and restlessness. Recently, Dr. Phil, from the Dr. Phil Show spoke to a guest who had been molested. He told the woman, “You have to forgive yourself first. You are not to blame for your past. You are only to blame when you don’t take responsibility for the present and your future.”
But when you’re 10 years old, you have no idea what’s going on; you leave your body and block it out for years.
So, I have begun to take responsibility. I’m talking about rape and the domino effect it has had on my life. I don’t want to hide under a veil of secrecy, which is why I wrote my novel, Pushing Upward and created the screenplay. Although the rape in the book was not exactly the way it happened in real life, I will tell you . . . I was raped by a family member.
Hopefully, the more voices we hear, the fewer rapes will occur. Some of us heal by talking one-on-one to a therapist, or confiding in a small group. It has always been my role to speak publicly.
Here are a few organizations that are wonderful resources if you, or someone you know need them.
RAINN
Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network
www.rainn.org
CENTER FOR THE IMPROVEMENT OF CHILD CARING
http://www.ciccparenting.org
HELP GUIDE.ORG
Domestic Violence and Abuse
http://www.helpguide.org
WOMENS SELF ESTEEM
http://www.womensselfesteem.com
SANCTUARY FOR FAMILIES
http://sanctuary.nonprofitsoapbox.com
NATIONAL DOMESTIC HOTLINE
http://www.thehotline.org
Speak up, speak out! Do what you must to heal yourself, and in doing so, you will help to heal others and prevent more suffering in the future.
Andrea offers Key Note presentations, workshops and presentations: Pushing UPward into Your Best Life.
To find out more about Andrea’s workshops, navigate this site. To hire Andrea for a workshop or talk: e-mail her at andrea@PushingUpward.com.